posted by Jory on Monday, September 29, 2008
Right now, I dont feel like myself.

I can't figure out if that is a good thing or bad.

I am swamped. I am working too much and taking too many classes and committing myself to too many things. I like it this way. I like keeping busy, I like feeling like I've accomplished something at the end of every day. And yet, I have no time for myself and I'm finding myself more irritable than usual. I'm less sensitive to the things I am usually stressing over, and I'm more sensitive to things that really dont mean diddly squat. And yes, I did just use that expression from a billion years ago, compliments of my mother.

Here's the thing. I do feel like I'm being productive. I mean, every day I do something which last year I would have been happy to have done in a week (then again, last year I had mono), but at the same time, I'm not getting done the things I really want to get done. I'm spending all my time reading books I dont care about, writing assignments that mean nothing to me, and basically just trying to do whatever I can to graduate with high honors. Up front that ambition sounds admirable, respectable, doable... but if you take a step back, and look at the things I am not getting done (i.e. finishing a feature script just for fun, writing the next great American novel, taking some time to travel the world...) because I'm so busy with the "important" stuff, my time spent looks pretty meaningless.

My mom probably would never wish for me to live the life she led. This is why I'm getting my bachelor's degree and starting over all the way across the country. Yet her young adult life, or at least her ability to move around and just adventure freely, is looking pretty appealing to me right about now.



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